Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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