At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
