Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
