I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
