dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
