Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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