conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
