are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
