Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
