I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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