Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
