Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
