I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
