Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
