I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
