glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
