I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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