i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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