I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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