happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
