My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
