4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
