How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
