I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
