the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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