Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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