You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
