She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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