just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
