He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
