I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
