then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
