he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
