Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
