Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
