I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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