I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
