Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
