Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
