Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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