I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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