I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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