I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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