I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Text me some of your sweat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
