god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
