Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
