It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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