she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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