If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
God, I missed his penis.
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