if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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