He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
