You're so nebulous sometimes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
