i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
