this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize