I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
