Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
