Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
