ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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