Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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