Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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