Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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