I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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