Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
