Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
