I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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