I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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