is your mom at the bar?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize