Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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