Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
