he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
