what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
