like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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