the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
