i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
