I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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