Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
