A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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