you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
