Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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