sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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