I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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