So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize