i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Duck Duck Cougar?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
