He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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