I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
