I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
