I bet he comes in French.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
