I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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