dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
