Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
