i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
