first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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