call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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