Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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