Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
