it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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