is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize