the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
