I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
