whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
